Coming Out
Why are so many gay people artists? Because their sexual orientation (within the context of the fears and prejudices of contemporary mainstream society) has forced them to come to grips with an identity that clashes head-on with the norm.
This is the same condition as you and I on the artist’s journey.
The gay person’s hero’s journey (or that of the Jew or the immigrant or the African-American or any other minority or outsider) carries him to the dead-end where he can no longer “pass” or pretend or assimilate. He has found himself up against this choice: stay in the closet or come out.
In other words: Who am I? What is my authentic self?
In answering this question, the homosexual or the lesbian may find himself or herself saying, “Hey, if I’m gonna come out sexually, I might as well come out every other way too.”
It takes guts to come out. It takes courage to look the world in the eye and say, “I’m not the person you think I am or the person you want me to be. I’m different. I’m not in the club and I’m not gonna be.”
As artists we need that courage too. We need the fortitude to say, even if only to ourselves: “I was not born for this cubicle or this pigeonhole or this conventional concept of who the world thinks I am or ought to be.”
In the end, it’s more painful to stay in than it is to come out.
DO THE WORK
Steve shows you the predictable Resistance points that every writer hits in a work-in-progress and then shows you how to deal with each one of these sticking points. This book shows you how to keep going with your work.
THE AUTHENTIC SWING
A short book about the writing of a first novel: for Steve, The Legend of Bagger Vance. Having failed with three earlier attempts at novels, here's how Steve finally succeeded.
NOBODY WANTS TO READ YOUR SH*T
Steve shares his "lessons learned" from the trenches of the five different writing careers—advertising, screenwriting, fiction, nonfiction, and self-help. This is tradecraft. An MFA in Writing in 197 pages.
TURNING PRO
Amateurs have amateur habits. Pros have pro habits. When we turn pro, we give up the comfortable life but we find our power. Steve answers the question, "How do we overcome Resistance?"
Great!
Whether they come out is likely a decision based on many factors specific to the individual.
Thank you vey much dear Steve!
When we are at odds with the river of society, the clash gives birth to great forces within us, with which we can’t be otherwise in touch.
I feel a contrast: on one hand, I try to “eliminate all kinds of trouble” in order to sit and work on the book for some time each day, even a little time. On the other hand, troubles may give birth to the energies needed to write something deep, something powerful. Yes, the best way is to take troubles and turn them to writing. But that ain’t very easy, I’m not sure why yet. On a third hand, such energies try all the time to take me off the book and do something else. These are powerful too.
Yesterday I came in touch with a person long forgotten, and she arose within me those powerful emotions for a while. Ah, I was on the chair when that happened. And guess what, the hero of the book came out, he expressed deep instictive forces in words without even trying, while I was passing through that monumental sorrow. Ah, but that happens olny once in a million.
I wonder if we can awaken those energies cleverly like olympic athletes are said to have been taught to do so. My newest small try for that is the collection of a comic that impressed me so much when I was a boy -Roy Thomas’ work. But even that won’t be there when I work on the book – it will enrich the rest of the day though if I am exposed to the comic for some minutes or one hour, which may enrich then my whole state, which may enrich then my writing indirectly bit. But that feeling yesterday with the person was at another level, it hit right to the heart for those little precious minutes. Maybe in real life we run out of those powers. Then we use other ways.
Direct hit, indirect hit, it seems we need them. I wonder if a book could be written on how we can call upon us those energies. Maybe “Focus” by Daniel Kahneman? Or “Flow” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi? They must be important and objective works.
And still each one of us should search for their membrane. To pass from the silent room where nothing happens, through the membrane, to that other place where the forest is dark and the cold winds whisper, where you feel your tangibility and the workings of the hormones of danger as your every move suddenly is important. A memory alone isn’t enough, or reading a comix or a book that touches you. We need something else.
Bah, it’s a damned silent room all the time.
So 2nd choice: we are unstoppable in a silent prison.
When we are at odds with the river of society, the clash gives birth to great forces within us, with which we can’t be otherwise in touch. ❤️✨🌎 WOW!
Tolis, thank you for this line! I just last night finished a newsletter to my tribe on the gifts and challenges of being a rebel. Can I use this line as the opener? If yes, do I just use Tolis as the author?
My dear Liza, thank you very much! Of course, use it the way you wish! Don’t worry at all about mentioning my name or how to do it if you will, do what you feel is best for your letter to be beautiful and inspirational.
Wonderful response.
When I was young, my Dad told me I could be anything I wanted to be. I decided to be myself. Sometimes my friends call me a weirdo but a nice weirdo. I’m okay with that. I’ve had the courage to do what others never considered trying. It may not always work out in the conventional sense. But I think of each step out of the norm a bigger step towards possibility.
Beautiful!
So many levels… so many different ways to surface. Finally able to breath as you come up for air.
You did it.
You survived.
Treading water, you catch your first breath… but the story doesn’t end there.
Now you must swim to shore, or die trying.
Wonderful response.
Ter a liberdade de não precisar viver em guetos é para mim a verdadeira liberdade.
Yes.
Here’s to coming out from whatever shames you and me. For me, I was one of those early ADHD adult diagnosis—in my 30s. I hid the shame of it and that I was being medicated for years. When my secret when finally discovered it led to my all is lost moment, and to the personal discovery that drives my journey and to the gift I bring…
Embrace your nonconformity!
This is so important to say. so many people are ostracized in the arts in the US in particular because our society really doesn’t have a deep understanding of what the arts are about or for. But I imagine it’s pretty much universal with human behavior to ostracize those that are different. I have always worked with the concept of the zebra being shunned by the herd because it looked different because it had rolled in the mud. A story that David Attenborough brought to life through one of his series. I think anyone who is unique Has a chance to do something remarkable because you are absolutely authentic. And once you get to the stage where you really understand all this which takes some time and you’re not trying to fit anymore and you don’t care what people say about you anymore then you can actually do the work that you come here to do. But it is a journey and it takes a lot of backbone and mental toughness. I appreciate what you’re writing because I really think it is that concept of community that is out there we just don’t know each other and because we’re dealing in solitary professions we don’t connect the same way as people who work in an office or are in a club or religious organization. As long as people know that there are other people that are doing the same battle I think that makes it much easier to do and stick to the plan . Thank you. Debbie.
Interesting. A disproportionate number of the founders of military special forces were also gay. Special forces evolved in World War Two and rejected conventional warfare, instead embracing irregular, guerrilla warfare. It is perhaps not surprising those rejecting conventional soldiering were already themselves rejecting the sexual norms of their society. A society in which it was both a criminal and military offence to be gay.
Scary, but true.
Thank you Steve! As always, I needed to hear this as I tossed and turned last night fretting about the launch of my new biz. ❤️✨🌎 Not fretting now.
Steve, I really want to know what you think about AI replacing writers! I’d really appreciate it if you could write a post about it. I want to be a writer, and it scares me how AI is getting better at surpassing humans in so many areas.
Precisely what business is it of societies to know one sexual orientation.
I knew that I preferred homosexual sex from a prepubescent age, but I also know that I value having a wife, having children, and those activities that do not need to be exposed allow me to experience a full breadth of life.
Besides, Liberace… Freddie Mercury… Elton John… They didn’t need to come out. And everybody excepted them as artists.
Steve, even with your keen Awareness, you influence more people, Artists, than you likely know., and today’s post really hits home. I first responded to one of your revelations over a decade ago, when I revealed that I sold all I owned to finance my 900 mile walk along the Cherokee Trail of Tears to honor my ancestors and raise awareness about the Cherokee’s plight, 4,000 Indians perishing in 1838 on their forced march from the SE to Oklahoma. I asked myself a probing questtion before I took the leap of Fath: Would I do this walk, if I was the only person on Earth? My inner voice didn’t hesitate. YES. I kept a journal and slept mostly in woods and fields along the Trail. In six months, I had written about my life-altering trek. The manuscript sold at auction, to Random House, only two weeks after reaching a NY agent. For the first time in my life, I had money but more important than that, I had affirmation as a writer. Six figure book deals followed with Random House. One week ago, I decided to take another leap of Faith. At Amazon, I published a novella, Quote the Raven on the Ferris Wheel, an hour’s read, about a Native American, born on the Rosebud Reservation, who through his grandfather had acquired supernatural skills. He is the most prized professional killer on Earth. He is offered ten million bucks to off one of the current presidental candidates. Could I make a killer an endearing character? The short book debuted seven days ago as a #1 New Release Bestseller in Native American Spirituality and the reviews rolling in at Amazon are both thilling and humbling and, so far anyway, the Secret Service has not come to my home to discuss the weather. If I had kept this story private just inside my mind and soul, I would have not only betrayed my true self, I would have denied the reading world a stormy whisper that haunts them with, of all things, HOPE in a world that seems to have gone mad. Thank you, Steve.
Inspiring, Jerry!
That’s a sweet thing about this community, isn’t it? A safe place to share successes; they’re offered as hope. As opposed to what sizzle reels give off. You can’t have sizzle without the greasy 🤣
Thank you, and Steve is generous to allow us to promote our books here, from time to time. I hope YOUR writing goes well?
To be true to yourself. As a minority in America, being true to yourself feels like navigating a jungle while being told it’s a zoo. It’s like being told you can walk freely, while others lock themselves behind bars of biases. I agree with you, Steve. It’s more painful to conform to the status quo in order to fit in than to stay true to yourself. Just act accordingly while on safari.
I somewhat disagree, Steve. My experience as an art major leads me to believe that a willingness to experiment makes an artist in any media. A few of my classmates were overtly gay, but many were willing to be bi-curious at the least. Experience is necessary for creation, and I think many gay people are attracted to the arts and the freedom of expression it offers rather than the result of their battle to exist. It takes courage to come out, yes, but art provides a place to experiment and become who you are, and a more accepting, liberal group of peers.
I don’t know about the numbers, but I can relate to the creative impulse being… I don’t know… tethered, hamstrung, muzzled… by fear of how people might respond. We can write about the “feel good,” the uplifting, the inspiring… and get praise and sunshiny responses from those who read our words.
But what if one feels the impulse to write (or create art) about an injustice, a travesty, an abomination? Some readers might cheer on that writer for bringing light to a dark topic. Other readers may criticize the writer: maybe for the moral position they take, or for just disrupting the reader’s equanimity (“bringing all this tragedy into my awareness”).
I agree that speaking and creating truthfully will inevitably rub SOMEONE the wrong way. I can see the case that anyone who has experience standing up for who they are, regardless of the opinions of other, have some prerequisite experience of speaking their own truth — whether truths of their personhood or truths of the art they create.
Appreciating seeing the comments of others!
Just do it.
Ps.
(hanks Stve. Gold.)
One of my favorite posts so far.
Here’s what was on my mind:
I’m a survivor.
I’m starting to “come out” . . . a little at a time.
At some point, you do come to a dead end.
It’s a choice between being radically bare, naked, and seen . . .
. . . or letting the shadows swallow you whole.
Thanks for writing this.
You’re Wednesday posts are medicine for me, thank you, you’re helping to keep my fires lit!
I slightly disagree, Steve. From my experience as an art major, experimenting is key for any artist. Some of my classmates were openly gay, while others were open to exploring their sexuality. Art allows for self-expression and exploration, attracting many who seek this freedom. Coming out takes courage, but art offers a supportive space to experiment and grow.
I disagree, Steve. As an art major, I’ve seen that experimentation is crucial for artists. Art provides a space for self-expression, drawing people who value this freedom, regardless of their sexuality. It’s a supportive environment for growth and exploration.
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