Third Party Validation
My business partner Shawn Coyne has a term that he can’t utter without personal and emotional abhorrence.
“Third party validation.”
He HATES it. He hates the very idea of it. When he sees it in others, he shakes his head. When he discovers even a glimmer within himself, he’s horrified and moves heaven and earth to eradicate it.
What is Third Party Validation?
3PV is the need for approval from someone else.
Be it said, all of us crave approval and validation. We’re human. Our DNA was formed over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution where survival meant life in the tribe, in the primitive hunting band, where exclusion from the group meant death.
It’s in our blood, the need for Third Party Validation.
That doesn’t make it any less of a vice.
Can you read your own stuff and form an objective opinion? Can you screen your film and know which parts work and which don’t?
We can collaborate with editors and producers. We can listen deeply and heed their counsel. But in the end, we must develop our own nose for the truth.
The film director must have the final word on his picture. He and he alone must be the judge of when it’s ready for release to the world.
DO THE WORK
Steve shows you the predictable Resistance points that every writer hits in a work-in-progress and then shows you how to deal with each one of these sticking points. This book shows you how to keep going with your work.
THE AUTHENTIC SWING
A short book about the writing of a first novel: for Steve, The Legend of Bagger Vance. Having failed with three earlier attempts at novels, here's how Steve finally succeeded.
NOBODY WANTS TO READ YOUR SH*T
Steve shares his "lessons learned" from the trenches of the five different writing careers—advertising, screenwriting, fiction, nonfiction, and self-help. This is tradecraft. An MFA in Writing in 197 pages.
TURNING PRO
Amateurs have amateur habits. Pros have pro habits. When we turn pro, we give up the comfortable life but we find our power. Steve answers the question, "How do we overcome Resistance?"
Feedback from others helps us develop a more objective view. Helps us kill our darlings.
Sim, sinto isso como uma luta permanente.
Busco sempre o maior distanciamento possível da obra em construção para manter o espírito crítico. Difícil. Boa dica,
Abraços
I am finding the need for third party validation is dissolving into the past now that I’m in my 70s. It is true freedom.
Wise words, thank you. What I needed to hear.
3PV — I just posted it IN BIG LETTERS on my desk. Love it. Hate it. Do it. Gonna Stop Doing It. Hopefully.
I LOVE this.
The first volume of my work is done. I believe in it; I think it can work. It’s not some false sense of security, some fake confidence. I’ve spent years studying the storytelling craft and honing my drawing skills. I’ve looked at other published works, better and worse, and thought “if this **** can make it, why can’t mine?”
But in the commercial space the audience may or may not respond and I think that can drive the artist insane. It could hit, or it could miss.
Ultimately we have to learn to trust ourselves.
Third party validation? How is there three when primarily there’s my editor and myself passing judgement on my writing? To answer your questions,I I believe I can be objective about my own writing. And I do recognize what works most of the time. That’s what I’ve been working towards. I have an editor to check out my work for anything I’ve missed as well as all the work to publish.
“Third Party Validation.
That doesn’t make it any less of a vice.”
Accepting all responsibility for your project’s success requires acceptance of a possible failure. We must DO IT ANYWAY. Do the work. Thank you for the truth bomb today, Steve!!
This is one of those formative lessons I learned in high school and it’s great to see it reinforced here. I had joined the drama club and every time I said my line in whatever play we were rehearsing, I turned and looked to the teacher sitting in the audience. He took me to the side after and asked why I insisted on doing that. I said I didn’t know. He explained I was seeking approval: am I doing this right? Am I pleasing you? “Don’t EVER do that,” he said. He was dead serious. And it stuck with me.
How interesting! I love that it stuck, Sam. Kudos to both him and you 🙂
I hope the lady with the killer heels on the bench didn’t have to walk too far for the photo. Lord!
But to your point: the second skill one needs is to recognize the good crits, because you need them. Love yourself, and listen up.
I used to think ,”What if my mom reads this?” Not anymore. Sometimes the work needs the f-bomb. The work must tell the truth even if it’s uncomfortable. And I don’t apologize. Mom will get over it.😁
even if she needs to roll over a few times in her grave 🙂
We all need mirrors as part of our development. That said, in order to move from self-development into self-actualization, letting go of a need for mirrors is mandatory. Who we really are is not the stuff that approval is made of.
this post hit home